To Blame Myself (2025)

In 2024, I was forced to make an impossible choice when my beloved cat, Boy, suddenly fell ill. The vets had barely managed to keep him alive, and with no overnight staff, I had to decide: take him to the ER, where he might die alone in a sterile cage, or bring him home, where he would be comfortable but beyond the reach of medical intervention. I chose the latter, and he died in my arms. This piece explores the weight of that decision—the guilt that has eclipsed my ability to fully grieve. It is about love, loss, and the way regret can take hold of mourning, turning it into something heavier than the loss itself.